What is Sexual Assault?
Sexual Assault is any unwanted sexual contact or intercourse with another person without his or her consent. Sexual assault is about power and control, not sex. It is violence where sex is used as a weapon.
Rape is forced sexual intercourse that involves penetration with a body part or object
Sexual Abuse is any unwanted or non-consensual sexual contact or intercourse with another person within a "relationship". It includes name-calling, refusal to use contraception, causing unwanted pain, and deliberately passing on STDS. Sexual abuse of children is any sexual contact with a child that is performed by an adult or older child.
Domestic Violence usually includes some form of sexual abuse and sexual assault. If a man beats a woman and then tries to "seduce" her, is that not rape? He is using her fear to force compliance to his advances.
Was I Raped?
If you are questioning whether or not it was rape, it probably was. It does not matter if or how much you resisted. Many women and children do not resist as much as they think they should have because they fear getting hurt worse or being attacked by blows or weapons. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact. Just because a woman submits to sexual contact, that does not mean she is willing. If you had a physical reaction to being touched that does not mean you did something wrong, either. There is also date rape and other forms that rape can take. Women do not owe men sex because he has spent money, time or anything else on her. It is especially rape if the survivor/victim was unconscious, asleep or could not remember the whole experience.
Why Didn't God Stop It?
God doesn't like to scare people. It isn't God (or Goddess') style to scare people. Many survivors/victims would be extremely frightened if an invisible "force" were to suddenly rip someone off of them. God doesn't want to scare you away from Him or Her. More then ever, after being assaulted, people need God's help and grace.
In my limited experience working with other survivors/victims of any kind of assault, I have learned that it is quite common for people who have been victimized to defend the attacker. Also, attackers are someone's child, someone's nephew (or niece) and sometimes somebody's parent as well. An attackers family can sometimes be the staunchest defenders of that person and his or her behavior.
Most of the time, sexual assault has little or nothing to do with the victim. It has more to do with God and/or Goddess then many people would think or suspect. Attacks are often committed with the express purpose of getting "a reaction" or attempting to manipulate God into doing something for the attacker. Sometimes it is out of revenge because the attackers really hate God. God doesn't do things for people when they try to manipulate Him or Her into doing them, God does not like having His hand forced any more then any other person. Attackers get pleasure from making God mad because they hate God.
Should I Report It?
I am of the firm opinion that it is completely up to you. Although statistics prove that false reports of rape/sexual assault are no more common then say, false reports of theft or any other crime, it is a crime where the burden of proof seems to rest squarely on the shoulders of it's victims. I find this unacceptable and I don't do rape exams. I find them more traumatic then the actual assault, since a rape exam can take more then an hour or two to complete. Usually, without "proof" prosecuters will not pick up a sexual assault case, and they often go univestigated even if they are reported.
Without prosecution, many perpetrators go out and commit the same crime again. Many survivors feel braver and more responsible if they go through the whole process of getting their attacker imprisoned. A prior history of sexual violence does not mean it is easier to convict repeat offenders, in fact, in my limited experience, the court system seems to believe the "rehabilitation" for sex offenders works in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Many sex offenders do not "discriminate" in their choice of victims either. A rapist is just as likely to rape a child as an adult female, a boy as a girl. Statistics back up the fact that many child abductors are also sex offenders as well.
If they would arrest people when they were turned in for being perverts, the perverts would be stopped from abducting, molesting and murdering little kids more and more often. It's not women's fault. We have turned in perverts and tried to stop them and we don't deserve any violence from the police. It is not a crime or sin to be an angry woman in public or out of it. Men are not entitled to everything and they certainly aren't entitled to seek mindless/thoughtless revenge on women because their mom restricted them from doing stupid things or things that could cause serious injury or death to themselves or others when they were children. Your mother has the right to live in her household, and set her boundaries, and stop children from causing headaches, or increasing expenses dramatically by busting a leg or burning down the house. Children are clumsy compared to grown-ups. Get over it! Men do not have the right to do this to women, and they do not have to live with us. Things do not replace friends.
Violence doesn't solve problems, and self defense is not violence. Even though it is not okay if your female caretakers did violence to you as a child, you surely do not have the right to discipline adult women, or punish them, or take revenge on anyone who looks like or belongs to any organization your female caretakeres may have belonged to. This is especially true, since adult men can do three times as much damage as adult women. We (women) are not in need of instruction in basic life skills or protection from our own physical ineptness or clumsiness. Not only that, it is emotionally abusive to call children clumsy, stupid, careless, cruel, evil, or other names, but not grown men. Resenting or hating women for "not telling you the truth" and calling you these things is childish, stupid and rude. This is especially true considering children can't help being clumsier then grown-ups and men can. We can't read each other's minds, nor would we want to even if we could. We have other things to think about. Get over yourselves.
Theresa M. Lennon
September 12, 2002
Last update: March 28, 2011